Heart in a Cage
I don't feel, I don't process, I don't communicate feelings and emotions the way you might, almost certainly the same way a neurotypical person might.
Alexithymia. This word should be known by all autistic people, all people having any involvement with autistic and neurodivergent people and especially by therapists working with autistic or neurodivergent people. A greater depth of understanding is so needed as the current causes are just way to linear for me.
Alexithymia according to autistica.org "Alexithymia is a term to describe problems with feeling emotions. In Greek, it loosely translates to “no words for emotion.” It is estimated that 1 in 10 people has alexithymia, but it is much more common in those with depression and in autistic people. 1 in 5 autistic people have alexithymia".
But why do people experience it?
Lots of research in recent years has indicated a strong link between our internal interception senses and those who experience alexithymia. Kelly Mahler writes a lot about this link and has some really helpful resources (https://www.kelly-mahler.com/what-is-interoception/interoception-and-alexithymia/) The lack of sensory data internally means it can be much more tricky to work out and process emotions. If you can't feel the internal squirming of your tummy and know that's because your hungry or nervous then being able to communicate that with anyone can feel impossible. Some people literally feel numb, the difficulties around sensory interception data is so quiet and tough to process then it can be hard to feel anything at all. Building up more interoception stimuli can provide better and deeper context to certain emotions and therefore might make those connections and processing of emotions easier.
But I don’t believe every single person experiencing alexithymia is just born with low internal nervous stimuli. Some of us absolutely do, but I don’t think we can pin the explanation of alexithymia just on that.
Gaslighting and shame is highly prevalent in my working experience and indeed my own experiencing of being neurodivergent. Were we properly listened to when we said we felt nervous in our tummy or told to just be brave or to pull ourselves together? Did anyone show care when we felt angry or did we get punished, told to be good/be quiet/be still. Were we gaslit multiple times when we expressed any kind of feeling that seemed "too over the top" for society. Because I am not sure many neurodivergent children had a chance to really listen to their interception senses and were ever really given the tools and validation in order for those neural pathways to connect. Being shut down and shamed every time you open your mouth tends to put the heart firmly in its cage.
I also write in a previous blog (https://www.bexmilgatetherapy.com/blog/the-dimensions-of-emotions ) about interception senses being very strong indeed. Feeling absolutely everything to such a high level that actually it can be really hard work to understand what's what. It can be even harder to work out what emotion is actually ours and not someone elses that we have sponged up. Having high interoception senses can be totally overwhelming and intense. To process it all takes time, and even longer sometimes to be able to give any of it words.
I want to also re-highlight my thoughts on the neurotypical interpretation of emotions. Because I've not only noticed it in my world but my clients worlds. Our way of expression just doesn't fit the sometimes narrow ways of neurotypical thinking. I am not just angry; I am jealous, I am fearful, I am sad, I am determined, I feel the injustice, the list could go on. My emotions don't just fit one box on a colour wheel, they have such a complex depth that it can feel totally impossible to express my emotion to others. To be asked "how are you"? Is like trying to answer the meaning of life! I don't see a top level view of anything, I see enormous depth, detail, and breadth and yes that takes time to delve into, to process, to explain and yes it really might not look like just one word or even a word at all!
So when anyone thinks of alexithymia, I wonder if we should be think about this from all different kinds of directions. Yes it could be due to lower interoception stimuli, it could also be because of the higher intensity of interoception stimuli. Were we taught to listen to our internal senses and also gives words to connect that, or were we shamed and gaslit, were we conditioned into not trusting those feelings? Does the language we have today fit the bill for our emotions or do we need a different word, sound, picture in order to express ourselves?
I really want therapists and anyone working with neurodivergent people experiencing alexithymia to not look at it with a neurotypical lense. It is a complex variant in our mind body and should be explored as such.
The Strokes - Heart in a Cage https://open.spotify.com/track/3mYCd23hPxJW5okSvMoy3x?si=cd970036dc314a3f
